There’s so much incivility!

Written by: Lorraine Twombly

Published:

All my life I’ve tried to be kind, courteous, and respectful toward all people. I feel empathy for folks who seem unhappy, are lonely, and have hard lives because of their circumstances. I was taught at a young age to respect and be kind to others. Not all of us see that as a way of life.

Not everyone is fortunate to be brought up in a family environment, with loving parents and all the basic needs of surviving. There are people living in poverty who have hopeless outlooks on life. There are people who need help due to mental health and neglect, and many are simply being ignored. How did we, as a society, ever think that it is all right to shun, bully, shame, and ignore people who are not like us? How did we get to the place where lying, shaming, and being disrespectful have become the norm to (too) many in the US.

Lately, every text, email, and other messaging media are all about scaring the heck out of us!! How did we get to this place that started the worse movement of fear mongering since the McCarthy era? Politics and certain huge business concerns are at the worse level of incivility I’ve seen since the 1950’s. People need change, but at what cost? Changing and destroying our way of life for the sake of change even though it doesn’t work for most of the people seems ludicrous. Incivility is leading the charge of destructive change and hatefulness.

Looking at civility and incivility, it starts with our outlook on life!! Many of us born in middle class or affluent families have a leg up on the folks who live in squalor and neglect. Having a safe place to live, getting educated and planning for the future does not happen for folks living in those conditions. Many see life as hopeless. People who lived in poverty and escaped crime, violence, and death are the lucky ones. There are not a lot of opportunities for those folks otherwise. When we care and instill hope and a better life for those of us who are less fortunate, we are being civil-minded. There may not be much we can do, but kindness and respect go a long way toward civility!

Lately, when folks do good work for their communities, incivility rears its ugly head and says otherwise. When people help others, incivility wants to shame, disrespect, offer negative feedback, and say things like, “everyone for themselves.” When we have good intentions, incivility wants to purposely be a contrarian (mostly to cause chaos and conflict).

Here’re some statistics of civility and incivility as of February 2025:

US people identify incivility as a problem: 93%
US people who think incivility is a major problem: 68%
US folks on average receive 10+ incivilities per week
Online bullying: 89%
Intimidation and threats: 87%
Intolerance: 87%
Feeling less safe: 87%
Discrimination: 84%
Less community engagement: 79%
Feeling isolated and lonely: 78%

Here’re some statistics on what to do about it:

Parents can instill tolerance and civility when raising or teaching children from the moment they start learning.
Teach civility in schools, day cares, and playgrounds (a refresher for college students).
Intervene when others behave uncivilly.
Inquire and learn more about why they behave this way (using the leadership coaching approach).
Disciplinary action for people at work.
Facilitate civility in the workplace – expectations from the leaders.
Use language that resonates with understanding (calmly and with concern).

Here’s a song that I have always remembered from my youth (by the Youngbloods-1967):

Love is but a song to sing, Fear's the way we die, You can make the mountains ring, Or make the angels cry, Though the bird is on the wing, And you may not know why
Come on people now, Smile on your brother, Everybody get together, Try to love one another, Right now
Some may come and some may go, We shall surely pass, When the one that left us here, Returns for us at last, We are but a moment's sunlight, Fading in the grass
Come on people now, Smile on your brother, Everybody get together, Try to love one another, Right now
Come on people now, Smile on your brother, Everybody get together, Try to love one another, Right now
Come on people now, Smile on your brother, Everybody get together, Try to love one another, Right now
If you hear the song I sing, You will understand (listen!), You hold the key to love and fear, All in your trembling hand, Just one key unlocks them both, It's there at your command
Come on people now, Smile on your brother, Everybody get together, Try to love one another, Right now
Come on people now, Smile on your brother, Everybody get together, Try to love one another, Right now
I said, come on people now, Smile on your brother, Everybody get together, Try to love one another, Right now, Right now

Find someone today who needs a kind word or say thank you to someone you see doing a kind deed. If we find just one person, you will not only make their day, but you may also change their life.

Thank you for reading!!

Lorraine

Lorraine Twombly